We’re Going to be Okay

I’ve had two blog posts swirling around in my mind for the past few days, so let’s see what actually gets drafted and posted today, shall we?

Two weeks ago, I shared how recent news would be changing things in my near future. At the time, I was disheartened, disgruntled, and definitely a little bitter, if not projecting some past experiences on a future that hasn’t even arrived yet. I took time to breathe, restraining from venting my frustrations and anger on this site, and thankfully have regained some perspective on both the situation and life—or at least remembered everything is going to be okay.

Then last night, this Jewish writers chat group I’m a part of had a mini-kvetching fest, of which I partook, about the raging inferno that is the publishing industry right now. My contribution was,

What I’m really despising right now is as an outsider looking in, i.e. a non-published writer, it seems the covids have exasperated the volatility of the industry just as I was beginning to maybe understand it like a toddler grasping its first steps or words, and now as I venture forth, I feel like a child intruding on the adults’ conversation, which I wasn’t invited to, of how to stop the raging inferno that is destroying everything they once loved but have grown to bitterly hate due to burnout. To me, they act as though they couldn’t care less if it all turns to ash. Like gee thanks, this does wonders for my insecurity and self-doubt as a novice trying to do anything within writing/publishing. Like is anyone with the power to do something actually doing anything or is this the Titanic and we all must abandon ship????

Now this feelings rage fest hasn’t completely derailed my regained perspective. Maybe enlightened it further? Or deepened it? Expanded it? Here’s how:

One of the main reasons I left my previous job is burnout. I was done. I couldn’t take anything else. I had met with executives to discuss steps we could take to circumvent the proverbial sinking of the ship, which as I indicated with how COVID exasperated an already existing issue within publishing, the same occurred at my job. They chose to go in another direction, which I vehemently disagreed with, so I quit.

Was my quitting possibly the equivalent of throwing a temper tantrum? Perhaps.

However, you try working at an establishment that is nothing less than Azkaban with dementors sucking your soul dry of its very essence for six years, and then let’s talk.

And no, that is not an over exaggeration.

I could share those details as to why or how, and I’ve tried typing them out, but it feels too…intimate, inappropriate, to publish them for all the world to read. Maybe one day I will, but for now, let’s move on.

As I typed my despair and rage to add to our shared spite, which fuels us all, in the chat last night, the similarity between my own experience at my previous employment and what agents and editors might be enduring right now struck me afresh. I might be a novice, I might not be published (yet), but I have an opinion, and if I’m entitled to anything in this world, its that. And since I have an entire website and blog devoted to my own opinions, or musings, in true egotistical fashion, I’m going to share what they are despite whatever discrepancies or inaccuracies exist within my intuitions.

First, I think those who are experiencing burnout and who have quit their jobs or sought alternative employment within the publishing industry were right to do so. It was good for me to quit my job. I have reaped plenty of benefits emotionally and mentally since doing so, if not physically, too, since I’m no longer working in a building that is literally falling apart around me or trying to suffocate me with inducing asthmatic symptoms due to the hazardous environment conditions.

My opinion, my issue, isn’t even with the people who stay, though I often wonder why? Is it some sort of codependent thing, maybe? Is it a sense of feeling trapped? Or are they more righteous than I for continuing to hope and believe in something I probably have long given up on, and are staying to care and fight for it despite the outrageous, unreasonable circumstances?

I can’t answer that, but what I can speak to is the ludicrous absurdity that are the actions of those who are in power.

How can anyone be so blind?

There is something shifting in our world, probably within Western culture more so than in Eastern countries, something which is asking us to reevaluate and realign our values with what has been the status quo for the past…oh, century. Ish. I think one of the great assessments of what those shifts are can be found in this far more articulate article from author David Brooks, which I read when it was published in the rising tensions of the 2020 election atrocity. The take away which has resonated with me to now, May 2022, is how the people’s faith in institutions is crumbling and instead we are individualizing as a society. His challenge was to consider where we are putting our faith in now and what steps we will take to either circumvent this demise, or better, how we can improve these volatile circumstances to reshape our future.

I’m not so sure anyone is listening, and even if they are, I fear too many are emphasizing their individuality without showing any deference to the others in this world, myself included.

Maybe I’m projecting my experience onto the secret inner ongoings within publishing, but I think executives across multiple industries are either having to reevaluate their standards of business practice because they are self-aware enough to know they are not meeting their employees’ (or customers’) needs and are taking steps to adapt and ride this cultural tide sweeping across society instead of being wiped out by it, or they’re choosing to continue as they always have, refusing to acknowledge the changes around them.

Unfortunately, it seems that most publishing executives are of the latter mindset than the former.

I’m sure I’m not the first to observe nor point out these reactions. I think the most glaringly obvious version of it is how people have reacted to the virus itself.

Do we wear masks or not? Is it just some great scheme by Bill Gates? Do we take the vaccine or will it mutate us and give us special powers? Do we continue mitigating the spread of the virus even after X% have been inoculated?

Words fail to describe the ridiculousness that is whatever the [insert expletive of your choosing] is going on in our society.

What I do know is that despite my own experiences, misgivings, fears, what have you—everything is going to be okay.

My husband and I have frequently been discussing these upcoming changes and what they mean for us, what it could mean for us, and how it could aid in our pursuit of our dreams. Right now our main question is, “Where do we want to be in five years? Who do we want to be in five years?”

Nothing has come of these discussions (yet), but what we do agree upon is despite the insane curve balls Life has thrown us these past few months leading up to and during my unemployment, Hashem has been right there to help us knock it out of the park and maybe even make a homerun. He’s been with us every step of the way, providing and protecting us, even with so much insanity going on in the world, and we know He’s not letting us go.

So who knows what’s next, what’s in our purview? We don’t, but we’re hopeful its something good.

We pray its life.

What about you? Do you see these changes, these shifts, in your life? What are they? Do wonder what your future could look like, too? Feel free to share in the comments below!

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