Valentine Ideals

Yes, my mind is full of musings this morning. It usually is, but I decided to write more of them than usual today.

I’m sure none of you need me to remind you what today is: it’s Ash Wednesday! (A-ha, gotcha!)

Actually, it’s both Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day, but I’m going to address the latter, not the former as I jokingly indicated.

Of course, I don’t really want to. I’m not a fan of the day, nor do I want to be adding to the noise. However, no one knows my perspective, so I might as well share it, right? That’s what these blogs are for? (I warned y’all I was a cynic.)

Valentine’s Day. It’s there, am I right? I mean, I don’t get it. I remember school functions which emphasised it with the swapping of cards in self-decorated Kleenex or shoe boxes. I remember enjoying it, but it seems so long ago I don’t even remember why except the free candy.

Sure, as a child, it’s intriguing. Valentine’s Day becomes the one day you can tell your crush you have said crush on them, and it’s socially acceptable. Only when you’re the lonely child that I was, even revealing such a secret is extraordinarily impossible, especially when you were bullied about crushes. (Man, girls are cruel.)

Thus, the appeal quickly lost its affect on me, and I never bought into the whole scheme anyway because by the time I was old enough to think for myself, I had already been disappointed by the lack of commitment in the boys of my age.

What can I say? The INFJ stereotype was true for me, even at age 8. “Forever” was always my goal in relationships, and I think when you have two parents who love each other as much as mine do, it makes that innate desire all the more strong, powerful, and confident since you know as well as believe such love exists and is possible to find.

Grant you, I was 8, then 9, 10, and so on, but my disappointment never faded. It grew. Even when I refused to date anyone in high school, knowing how impractical and shallow such social ties are at that age, I watched how my fellow male classmates treated their fellow females, myself included. It was revolting, but humans just treat other humans with such vile disregard. As usual, I digress.

One past Valentine’s Day, I think while I was actually in high school, I remarked to my theatre teacher about how I hated Valentine’s Day. He quipped it was only because I was single. Immediately, outraged and insulted, I defensively replied that was not the reason at all, but that every day should be Valentine’s Day if you truly love someone. Why celebrate your love one day a year, especially when it’s commercialised “love” and not true passion at all?

Now, while I was definitely hurt he would make such a claim against my “relationship status”, which still I think was highly inappropriate, my response was no less true for me. It still is.

Why would we ever cheapen something as beautiful, wonderful, precious as Love to just one day a year? If you love someone, shouldn’t you spend every day expressing it? No matter how small or trivial or insignificant it might seem, any expression which is from the overflow of one’s heart transcends all such frivolities and obligations – because it’s real. Authentic. Pure.

I realise my perspective is quite idealistic, but remember, I’m an INFJ. That’s the best default answer I can give to explain a least a facet as to why I am the way I am about Love.

And even in spite of the disappointment, pain, heartbreaks I’ve endure in my twenty-*cough* years of life, I still believe, wholeheartedly, someone somewhere is waiting and pining for me as much as I for him because darn it, why else would Hashem create something as beautiful, holy, sacred, and magical as marriage if it were for no other purpose except that “man should not be alone”?

And yes, Love is so much more than romance and chocolates and flowers and sex. Those, and other expressions, are a result of what already exists: the free choice to give your whole Self to another soul in trust, vulnerability, and ultimately unity; to say, “I belong to him, and he belongs to me. Forever.”

Such a unique, marvellous ideal is, of course, worth striving towards and waiting for, no matter how long or arduous or tempestuous the road to such a destination may seem. Even then, your journey will not end; it only gets better, for now you have a companion with which to traverse and enjoy Life.

Thus, wherever you are in your journey – whether you be single, dating, married, whatever – remember today, yes, is about the expression of Love; though, why I’ll leave to my Catholic friend to explain since I don’t remember the story of St. Valentine.

Only maybe, just maybe, today is more than just a day to buy someone a teddy bear holding a large plush heart. Maybe today is to remind us Love exists in all its beauty, and it’s worth fighting for not merely one day a year but all the days of our lives.