The Next Chapter

Well, this Sunday is the wedding, and thus begins my married life.

To say I was excited would be an outrageous understatement.

Nervous and maybe a tinge of frantic could also be possible additions, but no, I do not think excited quite encapsulates my feelings with precision.

So what am? What am I feeling? What am I thinking?

To be honest, as I sit here looking at the past 4 months of engagement, and then the past 2 years of dating, I’ve felt so many feelings, cried so many tears, and waited countless hours my entire life preceding Sunday, I don’t know if I’m feeling anything. I think I’ve finally reached a level of pure emotional exhaustion and catatonia.

Except that can’t be accurate either. I know I’m excited — deep, deep down. I am marrying the love of my life after all.

I think, truly, after all these years, after all these tears, what I’m truly feeling, if I dare confess it, is — ready.

I am so ready to be married.

Can “ready” be a feeling? Or is it a state of being? I’m not sure. Only if I had to describe everything I’m experiencing in this moment, anticipating the happiest day of my life, it’s that I’m ready. Excitement, nervousness, anything and everything else is just a secondary byproduct of my readiness.

Of course, I know no one is ever “ready”, but I think I’m the closest to it I’ll ever be.

And being ready makes me even more happy because to me being ready means this is right.

It’s time.

Thus, goodbye to my old life, my old self, my old me, and hello to the person I am going to be: a wife. I’m happy to be you.

See y’all in 2020!