Slowing Down

I find myself needing to slow down.

There was a song Emmy Rossum released years ago. I feel the embodiment of those sentiments.

“Moving so fast, I’m forgetting my purpose…”

Do you ever feel like that? Like you get so caught up in the daily blur of distractions, this business of Life, you forget why you’re even doing what you doing? You forget yourself and slowly succumb to the madness of survival?

For me, usually such feelings manifest whenever I have an idea, and I pursue it to actualisation, to tangibility, until it becomes reality.

Take for example my website.

I made this supposed “big announcement” in March, which really has amounted to no more than I just bought a domain, am hosting it through Bluehost, and now I have a super cool theme designed by the elegant Lovely Confetti, even though there are still a few minor glitches I need to work out.

Now did I put the cart before the proverbial horse? Perhaps, but I think not. These steps were more than increasing website traffic or readers or making an income. (Though, don’t get me wrong, those are always welcomed, but not necessary.)

Taking these steps, or rather plunge, with my announcement and confessional was more about removing the growing duplicity in my life so I could be free to simply be me.

Have I made any progress at all regarding all the other content I promised? No. I’m mean, sure, I’m practically trying to juggle two full-time jobs, and unfortunately I usually focus on the one job which pays my bills right now. Not to mention Life is constantly changing around me, and I feel I’m just trying to keep up with it. However, I’m still working on this, my dream. I’m still trying. That’s enough.

In a society defined by instant gratification, smart phones and tablets and watches with enabling technology at our finger tips, our world has grown complicatedly fast.

But I don’t need to keep up with it to succeed.

I simply need to be me.

I think my moments, such as this one, when I feel myself succumbing to the blur, is when I feel the pull to freak out I’m not doing enough because I’m supposedly not succeeding in reaching my goals. I think that’s what I get as an INFJ who had an ENTJ for a father.

I’m constantly living in a prolepsis, my ideas growing agitated with stagnation, wishing to be free. But it’s the journey which determines my fate.

And honestly, I don’t care what the “experts” say. Consistency does not equate frequency.

Besides, when the hare raced the tortoise, who won? Thus I believe if I stay at my own pace, steadfast, I’ll win.

Then again, it’s not necessarily about winning a goal, for Life is a journey, not a destination. I win if I never stop walking, if I never stop hoping.

To try would be an awfully big adventure…