Saying Goodbye: Raging INFJ Pt. 3

Believe me, I did not intend on writing a three-part series about Raging INFJs. However, days later as I muse on what I’ve written, I find there is more to say. Always.

You see, letting go of someone or door slamming them usually results in pain. Few times does it result from something good, mutual, beneficial.

But saying goodbye? That’s just the opposite.

Saying goodbye occurs when two parties realise one or both of their lives are diverting, and the path they have walked either together or in parallel is now changing course, taking them away from each other. It cannot be avoided and is beyond their control. Thus, a parting, a goodbye is necessary.

I hate saying goodbye as much as I hate any of its counterparts, letting go or door slamming. (It’s also one of the plethora of reasons I hate Death, but that’s another topic for another day.)

While the pain is different, it is still pain.

Though I have learned to accept and embrace pain, allowing the natural cathartic release to occur instead of stuffing it down to let it hide and fester, I’m still just like every other human who tries to avoid it as much as necessary. (Have I written about embracing pain?)

I think it primarily stems from my sometimes extreme aversion to change; an obvious observation. What if it is something deeper?

I’m not quite sure if this is just a “me” thing or a general INFJ thing, but I find most often one of the reasons I resist acclimating to social circles, whether at work or synagogue or school, is from knowing life is a journey and I’m just passing through from destination to destination. I initially feel it would be in the best interest of all parties if I avoid any interaction which could thus lead to relational investment.

Why? Because if I inevitably have to say goodbye one day to the people I’ve invested in, and thus fallen in love with, throughout my duration at whatever stage I’m at in life, then I should just close myself off so as to not need to say goodbye, ever, and thus avoid any social or relational separations.

Of course, I have realised just how foolish, vain, and, I daresay, selfish this is.

It would be the equivalent of saying since I know I’m going to one day leave my parents house and get married, then I just won’t maintain my relationship with them now while I’m single. Or more extremely: it would like saying, “Well, since my grandfather is going to die soon, I won’t bother spending time with him before then.”

What the eff even is that kind of logic? How can we INFJs be so contradictory? (Then again, I think this is just me, and probably a result of childhood trauma.)

Saying goodbye is good, healthy, and a part of life. Sometimes it is even necessary.

My theory is in the same vein of not wanting to lose those pieces of ourselves we’ve given to someone else, we also hate saying goodbye to those whom we love because of the depth, the richness of the investment of both parties in the relationship.

Saying goodbye feels too much like, “The End”, but is it truly “The End”, or is it simply, “Until we meet again”?

Therefore, I must always remember: love is never wasted.