Oh, today I am not in a good mood... I'm beyond angst. Living in a proleptic state can be unbearable sometimes, surviving somewhere between the "now" and "not yet". Though, after years of dwelling here between the lines, I find my reality less daunting, even in moments such as this. Like an acrobat who's trained to walked on a thin wire suspended hundreds of feet in the air, I've grown accustom to my new habitat. I've acclimated to this freakish elevation. Sure, one false step and ...
Musings
An Inherent Longing
I realise recently I’ve been writing rather sappy posts, full of wonder and optimism. However, like any other INFJ, such idealism is usually simultaneously felt with a healthy amount of reality, practicality, or sometimes, I daresay, pessimism. How we are capable of seeing both sides of this coin still baffles even myself. That said, this one might not be as much sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns as my more recent posts. While, yes, my life and its current changes have been breathtakingly ...
Get to Know Me: Autumn Inspired
I don't know why I've taken the time to fill this out, but I did. Maybe it's that I'm feeling festive or because I'm bored at work (shh...don't tell my boss), but regardless, here it is. (I tried my best to hold back the snark, but there might be a few exceptions...) Frost -- if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say? Don't give up. Your pain will make you stronger. I promise: it's worth it. All of it. Maple -- Is there a hobby/skill that you’ve always wanted ...
Returning from Neverland
In my most recent post, I stumbled upon something, a nugget (to me) amongst my musings. It was one of those, “Aha!” moments when my racing mind suddenly epiphanized in a bright burst of light and clarity. To quote a poet (inside joke), I wrote, “Why else become an adult but to find my place in this vast world?” It was this sudden thought which brought with it a symphony of colours brilliantly exploding in my mind’s eye as I watched all these dots simultaneously connect. It was like watching ...
Breathing Again
As the silence continues to wash over me, the rush of the High Holy Day season quieting, I find so much has happened in my life in just this first month of the new year. Usually, I'm one who doesn't just merely shy away from change. I flee. Kick. Scream. Beg. Plead. Fight. I try everything in my power to not allow change. Of course, I've already written about this. Why be so repetitive? Perhaps because I continue to amaze myself. Now, before you pass judgement on me for being ...
Stars
With the Jewish holiday season nearing its end, I'm dreading the return to the arbitrary reality of monotony awaiting me. The reality of life becoming again a incessant cycle of sleep and work, sleep and work, sleep and work. Sometimes I feel trapped in the wheel of Time, a slave to his whims. However, if there's one thing the holidays teach us, remind us it's that reality is more than the supposed drudgery of daily life, that Time himself is not in control. Reality, life, ...
A Season to Enjoy
Well, I survived. I deserve a t-shirt. Unfortunately, my mind is still a little ferblungered, and thus my musings are not quite so on par. Though, in all actuality, I should not jest too much. I could be verging on sacrilegious, something I’m still not overtly comfortable with. Regardless, I enjoyed myself. I feel refreshed after pouring my soul out like water before Hashem, as the prophet Jeremiah once lamented. And now, it’s time to feast! Seriously, though, besides Chanukkah (yes, ...
Fairy Tales Exist
I want to follow up with expounding on something from yesterday’s post, especially since I know I probably won’t write for a while with the holidays coming. As I have written before, I’ve faced many hardships in life, most of which were tragic, unexpected, and left me coping, alone, in a wake of undue trauma. That’s just my story. I didn’t write it. However, I have the capability of either playing the Leading Lady or taking a back seat like the Best Friend in this tale of Life. I think I ...
Hope for the New Year
I’m realising this will be my last post before the New Year on Wednesday, and it might be a few weeks before I post again thanks to the craziness of this holiday season. Now for me, part of getting ready for the New Year includes a much needed haircut because usually I let my tresses go too long without a proper trim, letting it become this unruly mess of wavy curls and subsequent frizz. Unfortunately, my friend and stylist was out of town indefinitely, (probably for a show since he’s ...
Preparing amidst Blessing
I have a mountain of work to do for my day job, but I find myself entirely distracted this morning. I must pen my musings for they overwhelm me. Life has been busier than normal since the final weekend in August. I've been trying to find my rhythm again (like when I should schedule time to sit and write.) My older siblings came to visit; a sweet, blessed time. I moved, FINALLY, and I’m loving my new place. I applied for a new job, which would utilize both my skills and passions. (Imagine ...
