Oh, to be in a cabin on a mountainside surrounded by woods, staring out at the morning whilst sipping my coffee... I'm as close to that as I can be in Kansas, sitting instead in front of a computer writing as I take my daily dose of caffeine. At least there are mountains painted on my mug. A thought, err musing, crossed my mind this morning as I laid in bed snoozing since I had the leisure for once. It's something I've puzzled over for quite a while now. I know before I kvetched about the ...
Musings
To Write, To Dream
As an aspiring novelist, I've been told that I use my writing to isolate myself from the world, to escape, to hide, etc. etc. While all of those accusations may be true, to whatever degree, as I recently pathetically bemoaned the potential of having to return to working at the office of my "day job" instead of remotely, at home, which I love and prefer and would do (almost) anything to maintain on a permanent basis---I had a thought. Call it an epiphany if you will, but let's at least ...
Echo of the Soul
It's difficult to write when the pen feels heavy, the words heavier. Silence is just easy; lazy apathy. It's been a while, maybe too long of a while, since I let my thoughts, my musings, freely flow like ink on a page. I don't know why I allow so much time to fly, why I let the days pass without acknowledging the friend within myself who wishes to be let out. Perhaps, though, it is the fear, the vulnerability, which keeps her inside. The pain of sharing with only silence as a ...
Remember the Light, Find the Hope
Tonight, as we all prepare to celebrate and light our Chanukkiyot, my husband and I have an extra reason to celebrate; our own Chanukkah miracle you might say. One year ago on the 25th of Kislev, we married. By the graciousness of our rabbi, he let us get married on the first night of Chanukkah! He even suggested instead of a unity candle to light the Chanukkah menorah as our first act together as man and wife. This year—for many, for all—we have endured unprecedented challenges. For ...
Find the Good
There's a lot they don't tell you in preparation for marriage. They always warn you about how terrible it can be, living with another human, getting use to the idea of having someone else's dirty laundry covering the floor or rearranging the way you insert dishes in the dishwasher. The sights and smells you'll experience when you start living with a man. They never tell you how good it can be. They never tell you how he'll bring you coffee first thing in the morning, letting you sleep ...
An Erev Shabbat Story
It’s Erev Shabbat, and I’ve just said goodbye to my husband who left for work, leaving me to watch the Dawn as I drink my tonic of coffee. Soon I’ll be going to the DMV for some much needed name changing...stuff, cleaning our home, get my hands covered in dough kneading challah, cooking dinner, preparing myself — all in anticipation of greeting the Sabbath. Except now as I sit in the stillness, I need to find silence. I need to quiet my soul. It is the month of Elul, a time of ...
Enough
I'm not even sure I should be writing this. I don't necessarily feel qualified to share my experiences, my journey of trying to become a published author. And not just qualified, but appropriate. It feels almost...wrong to share. I'm stalling. It's the vulnerability I dread. Last week, I lost it. No, really. I did. I called my husband while he was at work, sobbing about how I can't write, my manuscript is crap, I don't know what I'm doing, and wondering if I've been chasing a fool's ...
Only Silence
I'm suppose to working on a contingency plan to propose in a meeting at work Wednesday, but all I can think about is this stupid fight I had with my sister yesterday about the coronavirus and all the things I wish I could have said to her instead of just getting hurt and hanging up on her. "Until my work shuts down -- which who knows when that will be -- I'm not needlessly quarantining myself because what's the point? You know how disgusting that place is; a cesspool, a Petri dish." But ...
Won’t Look Back
I’ve been so excited to move into our new place, I never stopped to think about what I’d be leaving behind. This week it hit me I’d be leaving the apartment which was my most favourite place to lived since being on my own. I’ve made so many memories here. It seems a shame to leave them all behind. I know they’ll go with me, but there’s this part of me which wonders if I’ll leave a part of myself within these walls when I go, and if so, how will I get her back? Perhaps that’s my problem ...
At Last
We did it. We got married. I still can't believe it. It's strange returning to the real world after such bliss, especially when our bliss lingers. I find myself simultaneously easing back into my familiar routine, picking up where I left off, yet also finding these new surprises and changes along the way. Sure, I admit sometimes they're frustrating, but either I'm still too drugged on these newlywed endorphins for them to last or the truth is something much more simple: being married is ...
