A Different Perspective

I’m going through this pre-pre-marital counselling with my rabbi and rebbetzin right now, and one of the first steps in the process is taking this infamous Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis.

Apparently, it’s suppose to be great for couples and relationships because of its unique cross-examination feature. No, it is not a compatibility test. My opinion is it focuses on behavioural patterns, and thus how you relate to another person or are perceived by another; hence why its focus is aimed predominantly towards relationships of any kind.

I found it intriguing, especially since I prefer the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

After taking this Taylor-Johnson [TJ] test, my preference for Myers-Briggs [MBTI] was strengthened. I see the vitality of the TJ test with its capability to pinpoint perceptions due to behaviour. However, where it falls short, and where I think MBTI is superior, is understanding the psychology behind the behaviours.

Basically, MBTI explains the “why” and is deeper than the TJ test.

That sounds awfully pretentious of me, but I think that of most personality, temperament tests. I took a slew of them growing up in a house where my parents were counselors, usually marriage counselors, and they were always psycho-analysing people. Even at dinner in a restaurant they would watch people to analyse them. (And people wonder why psycho-analysis and psychology are hobbies for me to this day. Except this is also why I could never do it as a career.)

I’m also a textbook INFJ, so I love my label and cling to it, admittedly maybe a little too much sometimes. Hence my bias.

You see, after reading my TJ test results, I can feel myself wanting to tout my INFJ badge to say, “Well this [TJ test] is wrong because I’m really this [an INFJ].” Much to my chagrin, as my rabbi indicated last night, if its on the page it exists.

While I hope last night, as I discussed my results with my rabbi and rebbetzin, I maintained an efficient level of objectivity, this morning I felt the deep slashes to my ego and wanted to lick my wounds. That’s probably all this blog post is anyway: me stroking my pathetic, wounded ego.

However, I realised two things as I reflected on my results and last night’s discussion:

1. INFJs cling maybe to their MBTI label instead of other test results because all other tests perceive us “incorrectly”, maybe even hurtfully, and thus are as misunderstanding as people. After all, Carl Jung, from whom MBTI derives its personality theories, was an INFJ, so what better way to test our unique, complex intricacies?
2. I think there’s a flaw in psychology regarding emotionalism and how its perceived, analysed, and understood because psychology, like everything else, has been heavily influenced by the Gnosticism and stoicism still permeating our culture.

How, then, is the TJ test seemingly incorrect about me where the MBTI is accurate? Why would I want to denounce the TJ test’s opposing, though maybe accurate, results? Probably because there was one trait of the possible 18 which I scored as, which confused myself and my leaders.

I’m hostile. Possibly.

My rabbi did offer the quip, “Perhaps this hostile is too hostile,” which eased my shock.

We were all a bit baffled by it. After my meeting, I even called my parents to ask them what they thought. They were flabbergasted more than myself, but my father did provide something insightful: my score of hostile could be more accurately described as belligerent. This clarified my confusion, and then I looked up the definition of punitive, a word is listed as a descriptor for hostile.

That’s when all the dots connected.

I did not know punitive was synonymous with words such as corrective or disciplinary as well as the more extreme harsh, severe, austere, demanding, drastic, etc. Etymologically, it comes from the Latin punit– which is translated as punished. I then knew this result of hostile was indeed accurate, especially when I’ve been accusingly labelled more than half of the aforementioned.

My explanation? I have ridiculously high standards for myself and others, which are based on a core value system from which I operate. When these principles are violated, I become hostile.

This is true for all INFJs, hence why the INFJ rage is so legendary.

This dark side is our best kept secret (that is, until the Internet), and as I explained to my rabbi, I only explode when I’m pushed to extreme limits of stress and in a controlled environment where I am alone. I won’t let myself explode in front of others.

Obviously I hate it whenever I explode and turn into the Hulk version of myself. Furthermore, those ridiculously high standards for others I mentioned? Yeah, I stopped holding people to them years ago after I got my heart ripped out one too many times. Everyone will disappoint me, and the moment I accepted it and became the cynic I am today helped me not explode as much nor be as hostile as I probably once was.

I hope I’m not as cynical as I claim to be. I don’t always want to be calloused, and I think I’m finding my way back. Though, my INTJ sister would strongly disagree with me. She teases me saying that sometimes I’m in denial, and am trying to be more of an INTJ like her. Whatever. I digress.

Using myself as an example, we INFJs don’t like other personality tests because we don’t want to be classified as these hostile, emotional, egomaniac people when instead we can be rare special snowflakes or mythological unicorns who are simply misunderstood by society.

Well, we are. It’s time for us INFJs to grow-up and get over ourselves because guess what: we’re human just like every one else.

We hate admitting our faults because of our obsessive perfectionism. When we realise that every single Myers-Briggs type is just like us because we’re all human with the same base weakness and vices, we just inhibit them differently, we can move on to greater and better things and achieve the growth and self-improvement we actually prefer.

Additionally, I think part of the perception problem we INFJs have is our impassioned temperaments and disposition. Our deep, sometime tempestuous emotions get us into a lot of trouble. Except, ironically, no one knows they exist apart from immediate family members, and even they are oblivious sometimes.

There was another TJ test result I scored of subjective as opposed to the more desired objective. It’s descriptors were words like emotional, illogical, and self-centered.

I take offense for several reasons:

• Just because someone is emotional does not indicate they are devoid of objectivity. Yes, while there was a time it was more of a struggle for me to sift through my emotions, I always sought truth. Though, sometimes my emotions skewed the lens causing my perception, and thus truth, to be more subjective. Sure, I’ll agree then with the assessment. However, emotionalism does not equal subjectivity.
• Furthermore, just because someone is emotional does not automatically mean they are self-centered. Emotions do not cause a person to be self-centered, unless you are suggesting our emotions cause us to be more self-reflective, and are thus the basis of our logic and decision making. I would have to conditionally agree with that.
• Regardless of my agreement, the indication of subjective being equated to emotional, illogical, and self-centered is extremely misleading and offensive as such descriptors more often than not imply negative connotations.

My offense comes from years of misunderstanding, mostly, if not always, centered around my emotions. Emotions are not bad [evil], and we need to stop implying they are. I could soapbox about this for hours, but I’ll try to restrain myself and simply repeat what I mentioned earlier: psychology, like everything else, has been heavily influenced by the Gnosticism and stoicism still permeating our culture, causing emotionalism to continue possessing negative, sometimes evil, connotations.

Being the emotional creatures that we INFJs are, living in a world where emotions are still sometimes perceived as bad, wrong, illogical, self-centered, evil, etc., we face daily challenges with merely accepting ourselves. We’re taught from day one to control, even deny, our emotions because of these skewed perceptions, which in turn only cause us greater problems, one of them being self-loathing. I hated myself for years over my own emotionalism. Once I embraced it, I felt (and am) liberated from years of torment and discrimination, sometimes self-inflicted.

Of course, I also know I live in a world where not many, if any, will understand my emotionalism. I mean, I am dating an INTJ and my sister and best friend is also an INTJ. They both frequently joke with me about my emotions. However, they both have told me how my emotionalism has helped them understand and embrace their own. Hearing such a confession is beyond encouraging to me. It makes the pain of misunderstanding I still endure worthwhile to see others receive similar freedom and acceptance.

All this to say, the Taylor-Johnson test intrigued me and was somewhat enlightening. Although, I still feel this different perspective can be too easily misleading.

Only time will tell.