Blog Hiatus

It’s appalling how much time has passed since I last wrote…

In my defence –– as I too often iterate at the beginning of these posts due to my guilt and the seeming accountability blogging creates –– it was the Jewish High Holy Days last month, so I was a tad bit busy. 

Tonight being the first free evening I had in too long, I felt the need, the longing, the itch to write. Something. Anything.

Over the holidays, I tried my best to relax, breathe, have little to no commitments, and throughout my soul searching find my “centre” again, my alignment with Hashem and my purpose on this Earth. I fought for this especially because of the harrowing months of meetings and stress I endured throughout the summer, leading up to the New Year (Rosh Hashanah).

What I found in that stillness of my soul, waiting upon Hashem, was a cry arising within me, within my very neshama; a simple realisation: I couldn’t remember the last time I wrote. For me.

I since feel like Bilbo when he says to Gandalf, “I feel like butter scraped over too much bread. I want to see mountains again, mountains! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book.”

What intrigues me most about myself in this moment is the indignation swelling within me like the rising waves of the sea in the winds of a brewing tempest.

The question remains: what am I going to do about it?

Concerning my blog, I feel as though this somewhat “hiatus”, err long pauses between entries, will continue. I want to focus on my projects more, pursuing different avenues which may be opening up to me, and just write. 

I feel as though I’ve forgotten how to dream.

All I want to do is slip away into my own world I’ve created and get lost in its stories for a while, long enough to finish writing some of them down.

I’m not leaving this blog behind nor quitting, but I don’t have much else to say. For now. I’ve dedicated my musings for the past year to this blog, and anything else would merely be a reiteration of what has been previously said.

During this time, I’ll try my best to write here, but I feel as though these posts will slow down even more. (I’m definitely still reading, and have far too many books to review. At least there will be that, if/when I remember?)

I know I’m being ambiguous, but even I don’t know what’s going to happen. By admitting this, though, I’m hoping to alleviate the incessant pressure I feel when another week goes by and I haven’t written another blog post.

Perhaps more musings will come, but I feel the compelling sense to let them wander far away to a place I hope one day I can share with the world. Right now, though, it’s my own secret place, and I want to escape for a time and visit it again.

Funny…sometimes writing for me is like being a Pevensie child returning to Narnia. I wonder what adventures I’m going on next.