A Hierarchy of Needs

I’m back momentarily to share one quick update, and something I recently learned which may help you as much as it has helped me by boosting my confidence about Life interrupting what is important to me over these last few years.

In one of my recent sessions, my therapist and I were discussing ways to help communicate my needs during this time of learning about my autism since my diagnosis, and how to establish my boundaries more firmly with different areas which might demand more from me than I’m capable of giving right now. Well, she used the term “inconsistency,” and I lit up, sharing with her how for the past few years I’ve been trying to work on building and maintaining my own consistency.

Of course, she asked if consistency might mean discipline, which I agreed I wasn’t sure if I equated the two, but nevertheless, it opened the door for me to describe how one of the areas I’ve felt the most inconsistent is this here: my writing, both this blog and fiction, pursuing this career, etc. That’s when she nailed me with a huge revelation.

“Have you ever heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?” She asked.

“Nope.” I immediately replied.

My therapist then began to describe this idea from psychologist Abraham Maslow which he introduced in 1943, which essentially breaks down the development of a person’s individualization.

The epiphany I had whilst she explained—of how if the most basic of needs are not being met, then achieving any of the other needs is unsustainable—is that I’ve been trying to achieve and sustain self fulfilment needs for years without any foundation. Meaning, I’ve been trying to pursue a career in writing for about a decade whilst my most essential needs were not being met.

Of course I was inconsistent!

It’s funny how simple it sounds when I relay it to you here, but the crux of the matter is that for at least the past four years, if not the last ten, I have felt like Life keeps interrupting me with multiple crises I must address, causing me to neglect my wants and desires and even often times my needs. I’ve shared about some of those more major crises here, so I won’t revisit those details. I’ll only add a final comment that my greatest frustration with myself throughout them all has been when one of these crises erupted, the first thing to suffer was my writing. It’s been excruciating at times because it feels like I’m a failure and fraud if I can’t pursue this calling, desire, destiny—whatever. I have no grandiose claims about my writing, but I do know it is central to who and what I am. A lot of this blog thus far—maybe either to the annoyance or commiseration of my readers—is how I struggle, juggle, with being a wife, working a full-time job, and somehow finding time to write (and everything else which comes with pursuing it as a career) amidst that small amount of chaos when we don’t even have children living at home yet. Throw in a few major life changes and traumatic events, and you have a perfect recipe to breed negligence and burnout.

Not only did this flood me with relief, but my therapist reminded me I need to show no small amount of compassion to myself. Looking back at the past four to ten years, it’s no small achievement what I have accomplished, how far I’ve come and grown, when I’ve struggled to sustain any resemblance of health.

I couldn’t be prouder of me.

I know I have entered a new era of my life. I’ve embarked on a new chapter. I am finally meeting those basic needs, sustaining them, and now I’ve begun to strengthen, build, and support those psychological needs, too. My autism diagnosis was a monumental step, a leap, towards that growth.

That said, I’m going to take more time for myself, to ensure I can maintain this momentum and sustain my psychological needs. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I want to put a time stamp on it so I don’t lose sight. I do tell people I work better with due dates. However, I think I need to alleviate as much pressure as possible since I’ve been enduring so much for so long.

I don’t know when I’ll return. I’m angry I have to stay away, especially since I’ve been planning, writing, and preparing to share more of my short fiction with you all. Although, if I want to sustain that new goal, if I want to achieve that self-actualization, then I need to ensure I’m meeting my more foundational needs first. I can’t build on what doesn’t exist or is too unstable to support what comes next.

I do think, though, the fiction I’m drafting in this new phase of my life is going to be epic, so stick around. You won’t want to miss it!

~

If you’ve benefited from my writing today, especially in the past, then please consider donating to helping me sustain this blog and website where I’ll be sharing more in the days ahead. It’s been a difficult journey sustaining it on my own, but together, we can achieve more.